Define Irony: A guy that makes a decent living on the Internet that also thinks 90% of the Internet is colossally retarded.
I’ve had this domain for 5-years, since 2007, but I have only used it for email until now. I have finally decided to be a "blogger" even though I think it is ridiculous to say that you are a blogger—like when someone says, "What do you do?" and you say, "I’m a blogger", I think really!?!? Are you effen kidding me? I’ll have more on the stupidity of blogging later. What actually inspired me to finally just set up a personal blog—well, it was 2 or 3 things, but the final straw that broke the camel’s back was reading about this new website named Branch in today’s New York Times.
I finally found something so completely idiotic that I just … I just … *twitch* *twitch* couldn’t contain myself any longer. I have a ton of real work to do today, and I really shouldn’t be wasting time on this crap, but Jesus!
In the future, I promise to tell you the myriad reasons why I think Facebook, Twitter, Social Media, and Social Media Marketing are really, really freakin’ dumb (and why I use them all for my own purposes anyway), but today, I’m just going to make a brief, simple commentary on this new website that is such an amazing breakthrough that it warrants coverage in The New York Times. (The NYT is one of my favorite daily reads by the way, in digital format—yeah, I pay the 15 bucks a month. You’re welcome NYT.)
Ok, so here it is. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? … ’cause this is gonna blow you away. Up until now, we have never been able to have a group discussion online. (That is of course, excluding Forums, Blogs, Chat Rooms, Yahoo Groups, Google Groups, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and back in the old days, Usenet.)
Now we have Branch! Not only can you have a group discussion focused on a particular topic … but here’s the best part – your comments are limited to 750 characters! That is sooo waaay better than the rip-off 140 characters that Twitter allows. Take that Twitter you scammers! Sign me up Branch! Woo hoo!
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any dumberer.
My friend, writer, all-around-nut-case, blogger, and most importantly for this discussion, Branding & Marketing Guru—Tommy Zman, always hammers home the importance of having a "USP" – a Unique Selling Proposition.
Branch differentiates themselves in two ways. There is the aforementioned limit to 750 characters per post. This is probably good for some people, like the morons that just spew unintelligent drivel, but it is likely hugely frustrating for people that actually have the wherewithal to intelligently and logically express themselves. Just like Twitter, we r now 4ced 2 rite like this. I effen hate that. The other difference with Branch is that a person can only join the conversation if they are invited. I get that, but it is still flawed.
It seems like they are trying to avoid having dumbasses join the conversation so it can stay on topic, avoid trolls, keep it intelligent and so on. The problem is that someone, somewhere along the line, is going to invite an idiot. It will just snowball from there.
My suggestion: Get vBulletin, (which has been around forever) and a couple of good moderators to keep an eye on the forums. It already has an optional feature where you can make forums private, by invitation only. As to the 750 character limit – it’s completely stupid, but if you insist, you can always find a good PHP programmer to add that on to vBulletin instead of reinventing the wheel from scratch like Branch did.
Branch should have hired me as a consultant. I probably could have saved them a ton of money. My first advice would have been, "This is a dumb idea. Don’t do it." My second piece is already stated above.
Comments
35 responses to “Define Irony: The Debut of the Kevin Godbee Blog”
Ha! I’m the first to respond! I’m as stupid as you! :0
Best of luck with the blog!
Ha ha ha ha! Thanks Tom! You’re an idiot! 😉
Good God that is exactly how i feel about social media! I work in a corporate headquarters of a well known retail company and there is so much emphasis on communicating with the customer. We have entire teams to manage twitter and facebook accounts. I don’t understand because we sale shampoo! Its silly and maybe i am just getting old. 🙂
good luck Kevin!!
@Josh – I don’t need luck. I now have the super powers of a blogger.
What I find most irritating about blogging is that it empowers less than intelligent people that normally wouldn’t have the courage to pollute the world with banality (it has enough already) with the courage to express their opinions in a potentially big way. Thanks to Google, one can throw an idea into cyberspace where it will stay forever, ready to bloom and inspire other nimrods. These ideas are undeveloped, visceral, and poorly expressed. Yet, bloggers consider themselves in the same league as journalists, editors, and experienced analysts and, due to their proliferation, the standard for both thought and expression is lowered. Now well known magazines (at least in their online incarnations) seem to have adopted the philosophy that, “as long as we gain readers, who cares about professionalism?” Count the typos and grammar mistakes next time you read an online news report. It’s silly and sad.
Oh and, by the way, did I go over my 750 character limit?
Cajunguy… I couldn’t agree more with your post. But there are exceptions to the rule as there are some – but very few – professional authors & journalists who also blog as well and tend to have a clue about clear communication. Okay, my mom made me write this, and thanks for listening…
Your mom is probably a “mommy blogger”. Just the thought of that made me throw-up a little bit in my mouth.
Yeah! Tahts’ waht im tolkin bout Cajunguy! i dont no if u went over 750 chractrs. i cant count that hi.
This guy is certifiable!
hey can you build a blog like this for me for around 1k?
For you, it’s 2k.
2k? Done! Im gonna be in internet blogger!
Loved the post Kevin… see, you are going to make a great Blogger. I expect to see you on one of the cable news stations in the coming months. Can you smoke a pipe on cable news shows?
There is even an older form of internet communication that has no real character limits, can be set to private, can be moderated and even set for password only access… it’s called IRC (Internet Relay Chat)… I read about it some place.
Blasphemy Dan! Blasphemy!!!!!!
Sorry, I am now confused. Which part did you find blasphemous… the part about you making a great blogger? The part about smoking a pipe on cable news? The reference to the antiquated IRC? OR was it the reference to looking forward to seeing you on cable news since you are now one of the Press? Good god man you would be great on TV.
Dan, I find it appalling that you read about something somewhere. You should have been Tweeting instead. Good God Man!
Please forgive me for doing these outdated things. Keep in mind I am a member of ARRP, have not learned all the new fangled stuff just yet.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe blogging’s only purpose is health related?
There isn’t anything as cleansing as a good rant.
Better than daily fiber.
I dropped half of my body weight with this post.
Note to self- Notify Kevin’s building super.
LMAO!
Great first post, Kevin. I’ll add it to my list of things to check when I’m not, you know, keeping an eye on the farm. BTW, I thought we used bbPress… Or is that vBulletin?
Shhh … don’t give up our secrets. Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits …
You sucker… Or wait, am I the sucker for reading this? Touché, Kevin Godbee, touché indeed.
Thanks Kevin for showing me one more stupid idea on the web. As if facebook and twitter were not stupid enough, now there is Branch. I personally think that people who spend their lives on facebook and twitter are socially inept, cretins who need to be strung up by their scrotum’s or labia’s, for being unable to hold an intelligent conversation either on the phone or in person. We are creating a generation of losers who will never be able to survive in the real world.
Nice first blog, way to get me going Kevin…thanks.
Okay Kevin….
That was total waste of time.
But, definitely the best thing I’ve read all day…
Wait… It is the only thing I’ve read all day…
But, it’s early.
Added it to my Reading List.
Congratulations Kevin on what I’m sure will continue to be a total waste of time.
L
Wow… you quoted me… I’m special… for a retard blogger…
You are the biggest retard that I happen to know personally, Tommy.
Oh, and hey Kev… Reality TV is retarded too and just like social media, it has changed the habits of the world’s population all while generating billions of dollars of revenue.
Welcome to the club ya mindless ho! (Said with only the greatest love and admiration)…
The “making money” part of social media is all smoke and mirrors. If you give me a billion dollars, I too could get 900 million losers … I mean users on a website that doesn’t make any money.
You are seriously getting bitter in your elder years…
Seriously, I’ve never been happier. However, I am a realist and I call bullshit when I see it.
[…] inaugural post was about a new web start-up named Branch. Yesterday evening I was watching the Bloomberg Business […]
[…] we go again. A while ago I blogged about how stupid this "new invention" called Branch is because there is actually nothing new about it. Dude, you freakin’ invented forums, which […]